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Weapons Down, I Guess I Need People

“I think, I think…I think you don’t need an enemy.” I stared dumbfounded at her.

We had jumped into my friend’s minivan about twenty minutes earlier for our quarterly run-away-from/home/work/life-in-search-of-fun trip.

I have to confess, I saw this as a time that I got to finally gripe and complain about everything and everyone…from the frustration of my children’s grades to my manipulative narcissist boss.

A statement like that stopped my downward spiral of complaints in my tracks. I laughed out loud. This suggestion was so against the grain of my MO. Even my name means warrior. Naturally, I’m a fighter. Maybe it was being sexually abused by a relative at a young age that triggered the fight response in me.

“YOU DON’T NEED AN ENEMY.”

Just imagine no enemy…laying down my weapons, resolving that everyone is for me. It’s hard to even fathom…but if I could, FREEDOM.

I have trouble relaxing and taking time to rest because I’m ALWAYS fighting for something or someone. Even in my resting times, I’m thinking of my next move or calculating strategy. Now I’m definitely someone who needs to live a purpose-driven life, but does that purpose always need to be driven by a fight?

My wise friend’s statement disarmed me. It gave more solutions than all my complaints or calculations ever did. I felt a sense of relief wash over me as I resolved to lay my fight down for a time. Even warriors take a furlough to recuperate and have fun.

This statement has come back to me countless times over the past few years. To be honest, most of the time, I find myself teetering back and forth from anxiety to contentment.

I don’t like this weakness about myself. Another flaw of the warrior is always wanting to be strong and wanting to appear strong to others. Therein lies the conundrum, everyone assumes I’m strong, so they think I don’t need them.

I don’t need an enemy. I need people.

I need people, like my friend, to see my spiral and call out a better path. I need a community that wants to champion me and call out the gold in my life when they see it. And I want to be that person for a community.

Always Growing -Marcy

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